


H2O

by Vixens_Shadow



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:37:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1276675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixens_Shadow/pseuds/Vixens_Shadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ironhide tells the tales of how he landed on Earth.  Epps is amused.  Ironhide is confused.  And Ratchet is an asshole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	H2O

H2O

Rust, apparently, was the bane of Ironhide’s existence. Everyone who met him was quick to discover that the trigger-happy old warrior had issues with any substance that even looked remotely like oxidized metal. Technical Sergeant Epps was no exception. 

It was a normal day for the human as he walked into the secluded and low key aircraft hanger. It was even normal to hear the insistent arguments between two giant and colorful robots sitting across from one another at a similarly giant table. Ironhide was, of course, grousing about the potential for metal deterioration and the constant threat of fluids in systems that needed no such liquids. Ratchet, on the other hand, looked more put off at the idea of arguing over this -again- and was constantly prattling off the nearly rehearsed lines of his counterargument. It was like a play that never ended. Today, however, something caught the Sergeant’s ear. The discussion had turned from the small canine companion of Sam’s to the landing locations that had been endured, the fluids associated with both, and the ability of said fluids to cause irreparable damage to metallic surfaces.

“Wait…-where- did you say you landed again?” Epps interrupted. Both mech’s looked down, Ratchet actually looking more pleasantly surprised than his large black counterpart.

“In a small body of hydrogen based fluid outside of an organic’s residence.” Ironhide grumbled, frame shuddering slightly as if the memory alone was enough to evoke the “wrath of the rust”.

“You landed in a pool?”

“Yes.” he’d paused before answering, possibly to check the reference that the human had used. 

“That’s a lot of water.” he said, earning a curt nod from Ironhide. “And, you landed looking like you look now? I mean, all truck lookin’ and stuff?”

“No. We land as protoforms with only minor armor.” Ratchet supplied.

“So, you were naked.” Epps said, ghost of a smile crossing his features.

“I was what?” the weapons specialist said, features scrunched in what could only be described as ‘perplexed’. 

“Naked. You know, to be without proper coverings.”

“Yes, I suppose I was.” Ironhide said after another pause. 

“You were naked, in some stranger’s pool. Never pegged you for a skinny-dipper, Ironhide.” the human said, body shaking with barely suppressed laughter and smiling from ear to ear.

“What?” Ironhide asked, pausing once more to run another cross-check with the human’s world-wide web. “I don’t think-”

“What about the others? They land the same way?” Epps continued, stopping Ironhide’s protests.

“No, I was the only one to land in a body of water. Everyone else landed on solid ground.”

“But all of you were in these, uh…protoforms too, right?”

“Yes.” Ratchet supplied again, a touch of humor in his own voice.

“I do not understand the humor, Sergeant. It‘s not often we get to be in our protoform states. Sometimes it is far more comfortable than being fully armored.” Ironhide said, shifting his glare between the uproariously laughing human and his own cheekily smiling partner.

“Who would believe it? A race of giant alien robots who enjoy streaking around town in their birthday suits.”

“We don’t have any ‘suits’.” Ironhide began protesting again, stopped only the sound of Ratchet groaning, one hand covering his face. Ironhide straightened his frame and crossed his arms over his chest, trying his best to look as disgruntled as possible. 

Epps took one look at the giant mechanoid, giant -pouting- mechanoid, and his arms immediately hugged his sides, laughter became louder and his eyes began tearing up. No matter what he did, the human could not catch enough air in his lungs to make another inquiry. So, with more mirth than Ironhide thought a human capable of, Sgt Epps made his way back to the other portion of the hanger, his laughter echoing long after he’d managed to stagger his way through the door. The weapons specialist glared at the now closed door for several long moments before the quiet chuckle from Ratchet drew his attention.

“You’re not helping.”

With a snort, Ratchet stood from his seat and started towards his medical bay, pausing only briefly to give the large black mech a hardy slap on the shoulder as he passed. 

"Trust me, 'Hide.  You don't need my help.  You're doing a good enough job without it."

"Thanks...wait, what?"

Ratchet cackled as the doors to the medbay closed, leaving the cursing and sputtering weapons specialist on the outside.


End file.
